Study 43: "Unhealed wounds"
With the story of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 as the background we covered the topic of forgiveness at the meeting. I thought it would be easiest to summarise the evening's discussions in the form of questions about forgiveness.
1. What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is letting go, not holding grudges, being free from feeling negative emotions about a person or a situation. It is not feeling that someone who has wronged us still owes us anything, whether an apology or restitution.
2. What is the basis of our ability to forgive?
When we are wronged, it is hard to forgive because we feel that our sense of justice has been violated. So the one who has wronged us must be made to pay for the offense to restore balance to the Force (OK, I'm kidding here). The parable of the unmerciful servant teaches us that we who are forgiven sinners by God have a different formula for calculating when the scales balance. We did not receive justice from God, we received grace to cover a debt we could never have paid. When we release someone from their obligation to repay us for wrong done by forgiving them, we remember and draw upon the riches of grace shown us. We can never exhaust this supply no matter how much offense was caused us by others in this life. Knowing how much we were forgiven enables us to break free of the need to have 'justice' done.
3. Whom are we able to forgive?
It makes no sense to forgive on behalf of others who have been offended. Only the offended party can extend forgiveness. (In every sin, there are two offended parties - the person we have sinned against, and God. The fact that God is personally offended by our sin is the reason why He is able to graciously forgive us.) In different situations we may come across it may be that we can forgive only insofar as we have been personaly hurt or offended. That may mean that we can and should fight hard for justice on behalf of others who have been offended even though we no longer hold personal animosity towards those we fight against. This leads us to the next question:
4. Do we forgive in every life context?
Forgiving grace is not applicable in much of life. We do not expect grace from government, or the law (Rom 13:4) (thank you, Selwyn for reminding us that criminals offend against the state, not individuals), or the worlds of commerce (2 Thes 3:10), education and church discipline (e.g. 1 Cor 5:11). That would mean that we should, not just 'may' take action against offenders if we are part of the disciplinary/judicial process.
3. Do we only forgive those who repent?
In Matthew 18 Jesus' parable is prompted by a question from Peter that does not mention repentance on the part of the one we are to forgive. This is in contrast to Luke 17:3ff, where Jesus explicitly requires us to forgive those who repent. This may be taken to mean that we do not need to forgive unless the one who offends us apologizes. And yet, following the example of Jesus on the cross (Lk 23:34) and Stephen at his martyrdom (Ac 7:60) we see that forgiveness can be unilateral.
Forgiveness is always based on an inner attitude of kindness and tender-heartedness. (Eph 4:32). We should certainly cultivate this willingness to be moved to compassion. However, even though forgiveness is unilateral, reconciliation is bilateral. Full restoration of relationship cannot take place unless the offending party receives the forgiveness and repents. That is why our salvation, which depends of establishment of relationship with God, requires our repentance.
2. Does it make any difference if the person whom we are supposed to forgive is a Christian or non-Christian?
It's true that we would expect a higher standard of behaviour from Christians rather than non-Christians, so the offense we feel is greater when Christians rather than non-Christians hurt us. Nevertheless, Matt 18:35 is clear that we ourselves are held to a higher standard of behaviour by being forgiving to a fellow Christian "from (our) heart", not just with words.
1. What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is letting go, not holding grudges, being free from feeling negative emotions about a person or a situation. It is not feeling that someone who has wronged us still owes us anything, whether an apology or restitution.
2. What is the basis of our ability to forgive?
When we are wronged, it is hard to forgive because we feel that our sense of justice has been violated. So the one who has wronged us must be made to pay for the offense to restore balance to the Force (OK, I'm kidding here). The parable of the unmerciful servant teaches us that we who are forgiven sinners by God have a different formula for calculating when the scales balance. We did not receive justice from God, we received grace to cover a debt we could never have paid. When we release someone from their obligation to repay us for wrong done by forgiving them, we remember and draw upon the riches of grace shown us. We can never exhaust this supply no matter how much offense was caused us by others in this life. Knowing how much we were forgiven enables us to break free of the need to have 'justice' done.
3. Whom are we able to forgive?
It makes no sense to forgive on behalf of others who have been offended. Only the offended party can extend forgiveness. (In every sin, there are two offended parties - the person we have sinned against, and God. The fact that God is personally offended by our sin is the reason why He is able to graciously forgive us.) In different situations we may come across it may be that we can forgive only insofar as we have been personaly hurt or offended. That may mean that we can and should fight hard for justice on behalf of others who have been offended even though we no longer hold personal animosity towards those we fight against. This leads us to the next question:
4. Do we forgive in every life context?
Forgiving grace is not applicable in much of life. We do not expect grace from government, or the law (Rom 13:4) (thank you, Selwyn for reminding us that criminals offend against the state, not individuals), or the worlds of commerce (2 Thes 3:10), education and church discipline (e.g. 1 Cor 5:11). That would mean that we should, not just 'may' take action against offenders if we are part of the disciplinary/judicial process.
3. Do we only forgive those who repent?
In Matthew 18 Jesus' parable is prompted by a question from Peter that does not mention repentance on the part of the one we are to forgive. This is in contrast to Luke 17:3ff, where Jesus explicitly requires us to forgive those who repent. This may be taken to mean that we do not need to forgive unless the one who offends us apologizes. And yet, following the example of Jesus on the cross (Lk 23:34) and Stephen at his martyrdom (Ac 7:60) we see that forgiveness can be unilateral.
Forgiveness is always based on an inner attitude of kindness and tender-heartedness. (Eph 4:32). We should certainly cultivate this willingness to be moved to compassion. However, even though forgiveness is unilateral, reconciliation is bilateral. Full restoration of relationship cannot take place unless the offending party receives the forgiveness and repents. That is why our salvation, which depends of establishment of relationship with God, requires our repentance.
2. Does it make any difference if the person whom we are supposed to forgive is a Christian or non-Christian?
It's true that we would expect a higher standard of behaviour from Christians rather than non-Christians, so the offense we feel is greater when Christians rather than non-Christians hurt us. Nevertheless, Matt 18:35 is clear that we ourselves are held to a higher standard of behaviour by being forgiving to a fellow Christian "from (our) heart", not just with words.
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